never reached him

excerpt from a letter that was never sent…

What I am about to write is not something I completely believe in

Nor something I want to do

But there are just really times when what we don’t want is what SHOULD be done…

I hope you know how much I treasure the friendship we have

I don’t want to put a period to it

But I need to pause now…

I have to finally admit to myself that it is difficult to offer sincere friendship when I have excess baggage into this

The more time we spend together is making it more difficult to bear

The happiness your presence brings is the same thing that makes me ache more

I hope you understand what I am asking for…

I really need to completely let you go…for now

Gusto ko maging kaibigan mo ako sa kabuuang ibig sabihin ng salita

Pero sa puntong ito

the feelings i have i think have not been healthy for either of us anymore...

i tried to convince myself that i am content with what we have right now

but i know time might come i want more

and i don't want that

I don’t want to reach that point

i do not have the heart to be the reason of your sadness

and you know i would never want to be in between you and your chosen one

even if i have no plans of being in the picture at all

am sad that that's what is happening

nagiging dahilan ako ng pagsisinungaling at pagtatago mo sa taong pinili mo

we might not being doing anything wrong "technically" but still

we are going behind her back

i have to admit i am stepping on someone else's toes...

and i don't want to be that

Please don't think I am giving up on our friendship

Ilang beses ko na itong pinag-isipan

Paano ako magiging totoong kaibigan kung hindi mo ako kasabay sa mga ups and downs mo?

Kung "iiwan" kita ngayon na alam kong kailangan mo ng kasama at kakampi sa mga panahong pagod ka at hirap?

but I realized though that you have the BEST kakampi already

your God and HIS best gift to you---your chosen one

Remember that she is God's gift to you

I should trust...and you should trust---that she is...

hindi mo alam kung gaano kasakit para sa akin

pag naririnig kita na malungkot at nagrerekalamo sa relasyon ninyo ngayon

masakit kapag ikaw din nag nagiging dahilan pag nasasaktan sya

kasi alam ko capable kang magpasaya ng tao

kaya wag ka matakot pasayahin yung pinakaimportante sa buhay mo ngayon

and as much as i want to be there as you go through your joys and pains...

i just cannot

nahihirapan na po ako...

I’m hurting

I’m tired

I need to let go

…It was never sent…it was just not meant to be…

…now the emotions subside…

…through time and the determination to let go…

thanks to the person for allowing me to post this…

…for the lessons we ‘both’ learned…