ngayon gabi

I feel stuck. I keep so many things inside that I honestly tell God, feel like I am overflowing with emotions right now. It’s like I have filled every inch of me with secrets and feelings that they are starting to leak through. It’s a big, unexpected wave. It’s like catching your breath. A point where you trip and you find yourself free-falling to the ground and you know it’s going to hurt. It’s just so… all at once. I feel like there’s no time to think or time to hold it all in for a couple of more minutes. It’s just flowing out and there’s not one thing I can do about it; except feel. All the hurt, secrets, hopes, bad stuff… All the things I don’t want to feel or remember or think about come rushing at me. They go through me so quickly. There’s just too much but apart of me is trying so hard not to feel anything at all; wanting so badly to fight back. It’s tiring and draining. I want to feel something other than this, anything at all. The only thing I can think of that isn’t self-destructive is to write and listen to music. It’s distracting and helps to an extent. But it’s not satisfying enough. What happens once I stop writing? What happens once the music stops playing?