my day 250109

I woke up in the morning happy and excited. Aside from the fact that it’s Jeanette’s birthday, there was a strange reason why I was looking forward for this day.

As ordinary day, I parked my car in the space near our company gate. I walked towards the entrance door, smiled and greeted everyone ‘Good morning!’ Turned on my PC and declared that my day as an employee has officially started.

Around 10am, I received a call from an unregistered number, I called back.

It was my officemate. She was crying. Her first question was, ‘do you still have work?’ I was surprised, but I said yes.

‘I just need someone to talk to …na-terminate ako… ipagadasal mo ako ha, mas malapit ka kay Lord.’ She narrated what happened. I was listening but during that time, there were no perfect words to say to comfort her.

I put down the phone, returned to my station.

My heart beat so fast, got so nervous and tongue-tied.

After few minutes, a person seating 5 steps away from me hugged me and said good bye. I only said ‘God bless you and your family’.

One by one, I saw people crying and getting out of the office carrying their personal stuff. Looking through their eyes, that moment, it seems that I could read their minds --- worrying about their future, kids’ education, debts, credit cards, and shattered plans.

My tears were uncontrollable. They were not just officemates, but they are my friends whom I have shared laughter and kulitan moments…shared meals, argued with, planned with and finished projects together.

Aside from the sadness brought by good-byes, I was also afraid - for my own position.

I was expecting the HR manager would call me to discuss my termination… I waited… I expected.

I tried to continue working - trying to read and reply to emails and but can’t compose correct English. Trying to answer phone calls but can’t give proper response.

My hands and feet were cold. I wanted to throw up. My stomach was turning.

It wasn’t a good morning. It was tough.

It’s like I was just waiting for my last breathe.

A feeling that no one wants to have. It was frightening. It was not good at all.

I just wanted the day to end. I wanted to hear the decision right away so I could start fresh tomorrow.

Totoo pala un sinasabi na kapag nasa bingit ka nga kamatayan, may flashback ng nakaraan.

I kept on talking to Cecille just to release my emotions. She was also worrying. I couldn’t even give her assurance or advice…all we were able to say was ‘Thy will be done’. I went to the bathroom to pray… and guess what…I wasn’t able to say anything – Nothing! Rather, I allowed God to move me. I allowed Him to embrace and comfort me. Went out of the bathroom and headed to the graphics room where all my co-dept was gathered. Rola said, ‘lets talk…’

The four of us talked --- Imad, Abdul, Rola and I, we all shed tears. (imagine the scene – iba’t-ibang lahi, pero isa ang nararamdaman. Iba’t-iba man ang Diyos, pero isa lang ang pinagdadasal!)

While we were talking, our Training Manager came in. Hugged each one of us.

She hugged me twice that made me cry more. She said, ‘don’t cry, we need you.’

It was short by a powerful statement.

And she explained things that showered me/us with calmness and relief.

Right this hour, this day, this month… I am on the safe side.

But there is no assurance of what future could bring…as long as the economy turn down, no one in this world is indispensable.

It was a tough day for me, but it helped me to realize things, to appreciate my officemates more, to love my job more and to look forward for tomorrow’s 8am.

Today was…

full of emotions

full of faith

full of prayers

full of compassion

and today, God was (is still and will forever be) in control.

My whole team: graphics, advertising, PR, communication teams are still in. Praise God!

Cecille and I ended our mornings by the beach. I parked my car on the sand. We prayed together. All thanksgivings were given to Him. God is a God of certainty when everything was uncertain.

It was my mom who I first called …and again, I found comfort. =)

Now, its 6:20pm, I am home. Relieved… but still with a heavy heart.

But still looking forward for another day tomorrow @ THE One!