Putting my Heart in God's Hands

There is nothing like pains to make me quiet, cry and go down on my knees in prayer.

I went through a phase of privacy, of wanting to protect my own world – where no one was allowed to enter, to process things and muse over on everything and to choose not to reveal everything that's going on inside me. But now, I started writing in this space with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength.

It was just a very minor misstep but an important and meaningful one, and I am glad that I did not totally lose my balance at all… it was enough for me to hear a voice telling me, "Slow down, Gracie. What's your hurry?" Perhaps I have more questions than lessons right now. I was told to stop wishing and to be firmer in my decisions. So far, I know I am getting there. I am thankful to my friends and family for their whole dose of love, support and prayers. Indeed, sometimes, the lessons are worth sharing, if only to hear others say, "I know what you're going through. I've been there, too."

God has revealed more of Himself to me now, and I am seeking a deeper relationship with Him. In my search, I have become silent, as I wait for the new knowledge and fresh emotions to set in. I pray – change my heart O God, make it pure, make it Yours again.

There is so much going on, but I do not have words to describe them. Not now. Perhaps not ever.

If there was anyone who was surprised at this turn of events, it was I. I knew it… this is just a preview of what is to come in for new years of my life: A time of peace, love, and joy. A time I had been waiting for so long.

The adjustment will begin again. I know I will make it. I am strong. And I thank God for the Gift of Choice:

I choose to believe that God, in His infinite goodness, does not withhold anything good from me. If He delays, or if He declines my prayers, it means that that is what's best for me. Period.
I choose to be grateful for my countless blessings.
I choose to love even if it hurts and I will choose to receive love.
I choose to fall in LOVE with God…again!
I choose to understand where people are coming from.
I choose to pray for the grace to patiently wait on the Lord.

Tonight I will admit my own brokenness and I depend on God to make me feel whole again.
Tomorrow is one step closer to that day of journey, of freedom, of love.